Marriage

Marriage is a word for a real something. People like to think that marriage is some artificial thing that is made up by governments and religions but that isn’t true. It may be that marriage is often micromanaged by institutions but the marriage is there first - it happens organically, growing out of a type of situation. Sometimes we actually notice that we are married - there is no documentation necessary. If you spend a lot of your time with a person and you begin to relate to each other like the kitchen sink, that’s marriage. You are married to the kitchen sink. It is part of you, completely familiar, completely workable and relatable. When the person that you are with virtually disappears, then you are married already. Sometimes people notice this and then they can get a certificate that congratulates them - it is an acknowledgement and fundamental celebration of the possibility of two people disappearing together. When the other becomes ordinary like a cup empty of coffee or the sound of the squeak in the front door, then you are married.

Of course some people cheat, probably most people cheat. They go out and have a ceremony saying that they are married, but really they are cheating - they are trying to be married but they don’t understand marriage at all. They hope that by going through the ceremony they will be able to relate to marriage, to understand the magic of it. This seems to be a problem because they are entering into the situation with these assumptions - ideas of roles and securities, but really being married doesn’t have a sense of security - its actually a constantly insecure feeling - not that that is a bad thing. The insecurity comes from the idea of losing a now fundamental part. It’s nice to have hands, but just think if someone were to cut them off! If they were to remove your hands then you would be helpless and have a hard time with that. Marriage is like that too and you don’t need a certificate. If you feel a little bit like the other person has disappeared into you, and you have disappeared into them and also this sense of insecurity, then you are married already. At that point getting the certificate can be considered only communication with the outside world, with society. It’s a matter of societal acceptance and communication and that’s fine. There is a certain honesty in that - its no problem at all.

Marriage is actually a social thing - being with someone else - agreeing to live together, that is society already, two makes society, which already is a contract with the outside world. The person you are with becomes a representative of the outside world. They become a ground, a fertile ground and you can plant anything in that. You have agreed to relate to each other’s beauty and stink at the same time. You will put all of this time into each other and you will learn about the inside world and the outside world - about what is beyond your borders, you will maintain friendly, diplomatic relations and that person ultimately becomes your representative. It’s all very cool. But it is not romantic; you have to learn to be with this person all the way through. They are not solid gold; they have bad ideas and poo in their bellies, just like everyone. That isn’t romantic at all. You can not be married if you are presenting yourself in some way, with agenda and expectation. If you have those things you are not married. You can get the certificate but you still won’t be married. Those types of things are romantic - expectation, etc. Marriage is not like that at all.

So why would someone want that? Because we are desperately in need of relating to the earth and to the other in a realistic way. We need to become more ordinary and earthy - we want that. That is ’settling down’.

Now there is another type of marriage and that is with yourself. You could potentially get to know yourself in an honest way - relating to the stinky parts as well as the wisdom. This type of marriage - getting to the kitchen sink level of your own situation is great - better than social marriage because there is no insecurity there - it can’t be cut off like your hands or your lover’s life, it is a cosmic marriage, a complete situation. I’ll leave it at that.